Matthew Perry by Miles Mathis Improved and Made Better by Satchidanand
Matthew Perry the Poor Me
Matthew Perry by Miles Mathis Improved and Made Better by Satchidanand
Matthew Perry the Poor Me
I lost some readers with my last paper and no doubt will lose more with this one, but that's how it goes. I am not here to maximize readers, I am here to tell you what I think, based on a lifetime of studying the world. If you disagree with me, that's fine with me, but you have to admit I have the same right to think what I wish that you do. Or, you don't have to admit it, but I have that right even if you don't admit it.
You would think that, as opinionated and productive as I am, I would lose some fraction of readers with every paper, being down to zero by now. But amazingly that hasn't been the case. I have found that a significant section of society worldwide is hungry for this sort of pointed research and commentary, and that they can put a pin through anything they disagree with for the sake of being in the presence of an old-fashioned, unfiltered human being of the pre-Modern sort. They can come back to it later, when one or the other of us may admit we were wrong. I come across as someone out of a time capsule, I know, and I cherish that and play it up. I am 61 now but I could be 120 or 240. I see it as my job to provide what no one else is: a view of the world that is as far as possible not of this time, not limited by the current rules and strictures. A view that flies in the face of all contemporary standards and expectations, but not because it is religious or reactionary. My thinking is just as often of-the-future as it is of-the-past, but I am not thinking anything just to be novel. I am trying to get at the truth by the straightest path, wasting as little of my time and yours as possible. As on my science site, I am trying to solve problems in the most efficient manner. That hasn't been the way of the world for a long time now, so it rubs many people the wrong way, I know. But it can't be helped. The fur of most people is brushed the wrong way to start with, so the truth is bound to create a static shock.
I hinted I had something on “Matty” coming up, and here it is. It isn't what I thought it would be going in, but it may be more useful to you this way. To be honest, some things about his death weren't adding up I thought he might have faked his death and retired to some island, to be with his pals Heath Ledger and River Phoenix. That's still a possibility and I don't rule it out, but honestly I didn't find any smoking guns. I bought a used paperback from Ebay of his 2022 memoirs, hoping to find some clues, but didn't find a single thing in that line.
I did learn a lot, though, I have to admit, and I recommend the book for anyone who is a Friends fan or who was wondering what happened to him or who just wants to learn more about addiction from the lips of an addict. Having a completely non-addictive personality, it was always a big mystery to me, so I found the book very informative. Perry admits he isn't the smartest person*, and that becomes very obvious, but he isn't the dumbest person, either. Comedy requires a lot of smarts, of a certain sort. He is also a pretty good writer. The book isn't just readable, it is well-written in parts and in small bursts
—though the first half is far better than the second. Like his life, it sort of crashes and burns. He tries to tie it all up with a bow towards the end to re-ingratiate himself with his fans after all that self- bloodletting, but it doesn't work. The last chapters all collapse in platitudes and incoherence: he needed a much stronger editor here. But because he is so honest and doesn't mind wearing his heart on his sleeve, the whole thing is pretty transparent. Yes, he does make a lot of excuses for himself, but they too are so transparent you can't really call them lies. They just come off as pathetic dodges, and he admits that, too.
He manages the feat of being both very likable and very unlikable at the same time, often on the same page. He calls himself cute and charming, but that is OK because we all know he was. We saw him, and he doesn't oversell himself. Or not much. We can believe he sat around a table at a coffeeshop in LA even before he got super famous and charizzed the panties off big groups of girls. But we can also believe his own description of himself as a big loser, since he was that, too. He had no sense of self, couldn't be alone, needed constant affirmation, had zero self-discipline, and treated a lot of women pretty poorly. No one has ever shat their own bed—literally—and had to sleep in it more than Matthew Perry.
Two stories leapt out at me from the pages above all others, the first being his admission that as a teen he would start crying like a baby when he was losing at tennis.
In Energy Enhancement Meditation Level 3, you Eliminate the Shadow Subpersonalities! Ground your souls infinite timeline to rid it of its karma. Karma can be dangerous. Get a clean slate. Some fear blockages are there because people feel karma slowly coming to them in the future. In this level students learn to heal soul splits, like in Shamanic Soul Retrieval, you can search for inner children and heal them. Integration of your soul splits, is Soul fusion, the first dan of Enlightenment. Inner children are soul splits which split from trauma and impact of disappointment e.g. loss of a loved one.
Soul splits, are cut off from the Soul, the connection to infinite energy and so become independent for energy themselves and use strategies to get the energy from people with energy e.g. poor me, competitive dark star and violator. We’re taught to spot that in ourselves and in others so we are never vamped again. Only samyama will tell a friend from foe/energy vampire.
1. The nature of how and why these are formed: Trauma -
Sub-personalities are Soul-Splits. They are living parts of the soul which have been split off from the soul by trauma, injustice or disappointment. Starved from the Energy of the Infinite Soul they thus act psychopathically to gain attention and vampirise energy from others. When integrated, they are talents used on a higher level. The trauma that surrounds these Soul-Splits is referred to as Negative Karmic Mass (NKM).
2. The criteria in which they operate, how to spot them in yourself and others: Strategies -All sub-personalities use the strategies of the poor me, the violator or the black star in order to gain attention energy. As we see ourselves acting illogically, as we are told by our friends - in my case Swami Satchidanand told me about many of my Subpersonalities - of our illogicality.
3. The Solution to this normalized-soul-split-epidemic. One that saves you lot of time and possible therapy expenses - Energy Enhancement Meditation Techniques - Level 3 – Karma Clearing Process and more. Giving us the tools to heal the trauma of the sub-personalities and re-integrate these split off parts of ourselves back into our self, our Soul, thus healing the sub-personality and its bad behaviour.
Energy Enhancement LEVEL 3 - Eliminate Energy Blockages - The Removal of Strategies. The Karma Cleaning Process to Totally Eliminate All Your Karma!! Remove your Karma from this Lifetime and all your previous Lives... Lifetimes... https://www.energyenhancement.org/Level3.htm
The main three Strategies that Sub-Personalities use are:
The Poor Me: Uses situations in order to gain sympathy from others. Many Sub-Personalities are behind illnesses. They don’t care about you or how much they destroy you, just so long as they get energy. When this is healed it could be used by the Soul to reach out to people about the pain and suffering of others. Charities use this in order gain peoples help.
The Violator: Uses aggression in either one of its various forms to again power, revenge, energy and domination etc. over others. When this is healed the energy of anger can be used as tool. Sometimes it necessary to express a little anger to make a point. There’s a difference when you are in control and not a Sub-Personality that doesn’t care about the destruction it may cause.
The Black Star: Uses situations to direct attention towards itself. Demanding admiration, defamation of others, competitiveness, comparativeness, creating dramas etc. They want to be the best and number one but no-one else. When this is healed, then it won’t just be all about you and your greatness. It will be the boosting, celebrating and recognition of the greatness of all those around you.
Collectively they are known as the Tri-Strategies. It is possible for a Sub-Personality to switch from one strategy to the next. i.e. From victim (Poor Me) to Violator.
It is important to note that Energy Enhancement is an actual solution, not a suppressant or a coping method. There are many therapies, healings and courses that offer that. However this unique course is literally putting the reins back in your hands. Step by step. By transmuting the root of the cause. Then teaching you how to power up and stay connected to Infinite Higher Energy.
To begin with let’s explore the concepts of Integration, wholeness, soul retrieval, Gestalt etc. All of these are terms used to describe the metaphysical, spiritual and psychological bringing together of ‘parts’ back into a larger scheme. The Mystical path of Soul Authentication. This process is what leads to a very important concept within Energy Enhancement Meditation;
“These Soul-Splits are inner children, sub-personalities who are now cut off from the energy of the soul (which hopefully recharges using meditation) and so they starve for energy and so seek it from other souls. They knock at other's people souls with the 'poor me' strategy for example, and if someone invites that into their life, they'll drain them with that strategy, that life game purely for energetic thievery.”
The Poor me Strategy,
Further than the aloof strategy the Poor Me gains energy by being sad or sick and by moaning and complaining.
Many people say that doctors surgeries are places where people compete for the worst things that happened to them. The combination of the Poor me and the Star. They have some investment in always remaining sick, and that is because it gets the attention of all the people around them.
As people get sick of their constant moaning the strategy begins to fail to get attention, as all of these strategies eventually fail. Then something stronger is needed in order to gain the attention and the POOR ME absorbs the addict blockage and becomes an amputee, Alcoholic or a Drug Addict.
To get attention they will kill themselves, or allow themselves to be killed.
The Alcoholic addict blockage is very rarely cured. One psychologist referred to it as, "Chipping away the ice in the Antarctic"
George Best was a very famous Footballer. He said "I spent 90% of all my money on women and booze, the rest I wasted" He died age 53 of cirrhosis of the liver after a liver transplant!!
Without the Seven Step process of Energy Enhancement it is impossible to remove addict blockage of Alcoholism, but with The Seven Step Process it becomes very easy to remove this Vampiric Strategy.
They are so sad that one feels guilty to be happy in their presence. Needless to say, this childish personality will do anything, hurt or even kill themselves to gain your attention and your Energy!
And if that does not work the Poor Me always flips into the Violator Strategy in order to get attention. Ignore them and they get Very Very Angry!!! This is the origin of many Bi-polar Disorders.
Remember the Vampiric Strategy Sub-Personality does not care one jot about its host, YOU!!
All it cares about is to perform its robotic programmed function of gaining attention and love and energy from everyone around them. The Strategies of the Vampire.
Without the Seven Step process of Energy Enhancement it is impossible to remove the addict blockage Alcoholism, but with The Seven Step Process it becomes very easy to remove this Vampiric Strategy.
I was a tennis player as a teen and so saw my share of spoiled namby-pambies, but I can't say I ever saw anything that bad. We had the usual screamers and racket breakers and quitters, but no one that would just sob during the match.
The second was the jet-ski story during his filming of Fools Rush In. On a break from shooting, Perry—the star—saw some people jet-skiing on the lake and wanted to rent one by himself. Everyone on set told him no, since if he got injured it could ruin the whole movie. But he did it anyway. . . and of course got injured. The Poor Me got attention!
And of course got given pain pills by some unscrupulous doctor, to which he immediately got addicted. That was the hugely publicized addiction after season three of Friends, that put him in rehab. So it didn't only jeopardize the movie, it jeopardized the most popular show on TV, a show making millions for hundreds of people. The Poor Me got even more attention!
Which leads us into the thesis of this paper. The explicit and stated theme that runs through the book is that addiction is a disease, and that Perry was very “unlucky” to have the genetic make-up that made him highly addictive. He wants you to know that above and before anything else: none of this was ultimately his fault. He was born with a weakness for alcohol and drugs, neglected by his parents, and left early on with a big hole he could never fill.
Indeed the way his parents treated him was the start of the poor me, amplification of the poor me, this wanting the attention and love of his parents.
He blames his parents over and over, and I have to say that blame does land. The rest of his blame game sort of fizzles, but if anything he is too easy on his parents. Even here, though, he secretly hates them for the wrong things. He hates them for leaving him alone, putting him on planes alone as a child, and generally not being there. All horrible, but as it turns out not as horrible as not teaching him any discipline to squash the poor me.
His Dad abandoned him and his mother at age one, and she soon abandoned him as well to be Pierre Trudeau's assistant/mistress. So it is easy to see where the hole comes in. But that hole was made fatal by a second hole, one that Perry never once sees: no one ever taught him discipline to squash the tri strategies of the Poor Me, the Violator and the Black star.
Like most of these famous people, he was both neglected and spoiled. We take it that he was living with his maternal grandfather as a small child, so that grandfather must have also failed to teach him anything about discipline or self-discipline. He was later completely self-indulgent, so he must have been totally indulged as a child. No one ever told him no, so he had no way to say no to himself.
Which brings us to a third, related, peak in the book, when he is describing his interview in London with Jeremy Paxman and Peter Hitchens. He calls Hitchens a tool for not buying his “addiction as a disease” spiel, framing it instead as weakness.
Unfortunately for Perry, his entire memoir reads like an extended proof of Hitchens' argument. Which is not to say Hitchens isn't a tool. He is, and so was his brother Christopher—who Perry calls “wonderful” and “great” just to needle Peter. But on this, Peter is obviously right. Or close. Addiction isn't a “moral” weakness, as he claims, but it definitely is a lack of self-discipline.
Perry doesn't understand how his father or other people can quit cigarettes or alcohol when it is impossible for him, but we don't see him expending any mental energy trying to understand it. Not once in the memoir does it seem to occur to him that there might be an easy answer, and that it has nothing to do with genetics.
Because some doctors told him it is genetics or a disease, he accepts that as the easiest thing and moves on. His answer to Hitchens is that the AMA diagnosed addiction as a disease in 1976 and has stuck to that, so end of argument. Doctors and other “experts” have accepted that, so it must be true. The problem is, the AMA has diagnosed everything else as a disease since then, down to nose-picking, so that they can prescribe drugs for it and create a multi- billion-dollar market for fake addiction-mitigation. Same thing as in every other field. Perry admits he has spent 7 million on rehab, getting nothing from it, but it never occurs to him it is because the whole thing is a scam. Or, he does sort of see it is a scam, since he jokes that they prescribed him OxyContin when detoxing from OxyContin, but he doesn't take it beyond that. He doesn't make the connections, seeing that that blows his entire “AMA diagnosed it as a disease” argument. He knows that doctors have been preying on him for decades, then references doctors when he gets in a jam in an interview.
Plus, the whole book is about how weak he is, and he admits it over and over; then he gets mad at Hitchens for implying he is weak.
No doubt he would say I don't know what I am talking about, since I am not an addict. But I can turn the tables and say he doesn't know what I am talking about because he doesn't have any self-control. If he can tell his story, so can I, so let's just frame it that way. We hear a lot from the addicts but never hear from the non-addicts. I read his memoir so now read mine. Instead of listening to doctors, try listening to someone with self-discipline. That's how you would learn tennis or basketball or anything else: you would go to someone who knows how it is done. You don't go to self-help groups of people who don't know how to play tennis or basketball, do you? How is sitting around with a bunch of other addicts going to help you?
It may also help to look at it this way. Is Perry or the AMA going to claim that riding a jet-ski when you shouldn't is a disease? Is doing something stupid like that also hardwired in your genes? No, it has nothing to do with disease or an addictive personality. There is no such thing a genetic addictive personality, or one caused by a disease, and that idea was only invented by people making excuses for themselves. Clearly, Perry was being wildly self-indulgent in the jet-ski story, ignoring all warning signs, advice, and known risks, and he was doing exactly the same thing whenever he took drugs.
So why am I so disciplined? Or, why do I think I am so disciplined? Was I born with a non-additive personality? Maybe, but I doubt it. I will start by nodding deeply to Matthew Perry by admitting I was breast-fed and rocked for hundreds of hours by my mother as a child. My father was also present and loving, and though he had a temper, when I saw it I almost always deserved it. So I never had the hole Perry did, from the start. I give him that as his first cause, though as you see it isn't a disease. Parental neglect isn't a disease, it is more like a crime. That said, I was brought up in a very disciplined house. My mother has told me many times she spanked me almost every day in my terrible twos. No meant no and there were consequences. My father also spanked me often, and as my brother and I got older Dad did more and more of the disciplining. My mother could no longer make it hurt, and he knew that. Dad had an old belt that put the fear of God into us. We only hoped he would hit us in the butt, and not hit lower on the back of the legs, since that hurt twice as much. We also got “licks” in school in those years. My last paddling in school came at age 14 in 1978, in 9th grade. The paddles at school hurt even worse, since they were wooden.
That is all sold as very barbaric now, but I didn't see it that way then and don't now. Except for a couple of times, I deserved it and learned from it. Some of the arguments I have heard against it include the idea that it promotes violence, that it promotes bowing to raw authority over reason, or even that it promotes sado-masochism. All I can say is that in me it did none of those things. I am not a violent person, I am not sado-masochistic in the least—I have no fascination with pain, especially during sex—and as you know I don't bow well to any authority. But because the rules then being enforced were (mostly) based on reason, and I could see that, what I learned was the value of discipline and self-discipline. I learned that there were consequences for all actions, and that it was best to study those consequences before you acted. Not simply to bow to authority, but to make things easier on yourself. A lot of those rules were about not creating unwonted harm, and I didn't want to accidentally harm myself or anyone else by stupidity, ignorance, or indulgence.
But let's back up and look even closer. I think the reason I didn't see the spankings as barbaric, unreasonable, or violent, is that they came first from the mother who had also breast-fed me and rocked me for a whole year. I trusted her and knew these spankings weren't just her being violent and unreasonable. I learned pretty quickly that there was love and reason behind them, and that I was being saved from worse things like getting burned by hot lights, shocked by sockets, chewed up by animals, poisoned by plants, or drowned by water. Yeah, I was clever that way.
It is the same reason my kittens don't hate me for swatting them occasionally, to keep them out of trouble. They know beyond any doubt that I love them and so they trust me. They know I am not whacking them for the sheer sport of it, and understand that they are doing something I don't want them to do. I am pretty sure that after a few rounds of that they realize I am trying to teach them something, just as their mother teaches them by cuffing them. Cats are clever that way, too.
I know because they do learn.
More confirmation comes from my own family. My younger brother was not breast-fed, and he didn't respond to discipline as well as I did probably because he didn't get as much love as Miles and thus was in competition with him for that love of the mother. He was spanked, but he often didn't stop doing whatever it was he was doing. Grounding and detention didn't work, either. He didn't become a drug addict or alcoholic, but he was somewhat less disciplined than I am. What this tells me is that the full dose of love and trust has to come first, before any attempt at discipline.
Spare the rod spoil the child was the maxim for hundreds of years, and that has only changed in the past 40 years. But it hasn't really changed since the maxim continues to be proven: children just get more spoiled every decade. Society is spinning out of control for many reasons, but one them obviously is because people don't have any discipline or self-discipline anymore. Society has more and more stupid rules every year—rules that apply only to the non-rich—but enforcement of rules (good and bad) has gone out the window for almost everyone. Like Perry, kids are now both neglected and spoiled, and the schools are now both more chaotic and more top-loaded with asinine government programs. Young people are squashed and stirred in about equal amounts now, but they aren't molded or educated in any logical fashion.
What we see here is that if the Poor me, the Violator or the Black Star strategies get ingrained in to the psyche and the subpersonalities get hold of them then the result is Mathew Perry, and the only way for someone such as he to remove these strategies is through Meditation, specifically Energy Enhancement Meditation Level 3!
Given all that, we see that what Perry most needed was the ability to say no to himself. But if you miss that lesson when you are a child, can you learn it as adult? Is that even possible? I would say we hardly know, since it has never apparently been tried, other than by sending a teen to military school or other bootcamp and further humiliating him. That isn't what I am talking about at all, I hope you see. A military school would in no way match my early upbringing, obviously, since there would be no foundation in love or trust. Having a drill sergeant screaming in your face and calling you names would be counterproductive in every way.
Perry might have been saved early on by one of those women who loved him so selflessly, had she been able to also discipline him. But the cards were stacked against her by fate, since just when he needed someone to stop indulging him, he got famous and got indulged even more. No woman could have any power to discipline him at that point because no matter what carrot or stick she used, he could just move to the next woman.
From there it snowballed, since he was no longer a child that could respond to a small amount of pain on the hiney. Before he was thirty he had put himself through so much pain with drugs, pain was no longer a deterrent. That was his message to the nurse who told him to quit hitting on her: he immediately proved to her that she couldn't cause him any pain he hadn't already caused himself ten times over, by going into the stairwell and smashing his head against the wall. That's what that was about. That and another sad poor me cry for attention.
By reading the book closely, we can see that Perry was conspicuously, and knowingly, trying to win the biggest-brat-ever award, to punish his parents for abandoning him by comming a sort of suicide, "You'll be sad when I'm gone!", and to win at that if nothing else.
This is a typical play of the Poor Me obsessed.
He even admits it with his Yoda-doctor, who told him pretty much the same thing. Once someone has decided to do that, there isn't much you can do to help them, is there? Plus, he figured someone would always be there to save him, just because he was so cute and adorable. They always had, from the doctors and nurses to the girlfriends to the family members. I am sure he was very surprised no one was there to save him at the end. Surprised but not disappointed.
In closing, there is also this: Perry says he really wanted to quit from an early age, but that isn't the feeling we get from the memoirs, is it? He loved the experience of the alcohol and cigarettes and drugs above all other things, and clearly DID NOT WANT TO QUIT because it gave him the love of the people trying to save him.
But there is no limit to the love needed.
No amount of love is enough for the Poor Me.
And thus this strategy pushes the people who want to save him away.
And in the end only Death is sufficient.
So I could argue it wasn't weakness as much as it was not really wanting to change. He said he wanted to, and wanted to want to, but didn't really want to. So he didn't. At the end of the book he has succeeded in quitting them all, so we see it wasn't impossible. He finally wanted to stop, for real, and did. But even then, he didn't have to overcome the addiction by sheer willpower, did he? He admits that by age 50 the pleasure was pretty much gone. He had burned out his pleasure receptors by then. He couldn't get drunk even after consuming 14 triple vodka tonics, so the ride was over. It is easy to step off the rollercoaster once the cart has come to a stop in the final bay.
I also feel obligated to say this, for any young people reading this. By far the easiest way to avoid this ride is to never get on it. That was my secret. I passed on cigarettes, alcohol, and drugs the first time, so I have never felt that rush, whatever it is. I have never even been drunk. I found the first buzz unpleasant and stopped there, never getting beyond it. Did I avoid them out of fear? No, I avoided them because I never woke up of a morning thinking life owed me a certain number of highs that day. It wasn't a problem I was trying to solve.
There was no hole I was trying to fill. I wasn't trying to ease some primordial pain or obliterate some recent memory. And it isn't because my life was all kisses and cookies. I am sure I have been alone more than any of you. By one measurement, the last four years have been hell. But I have never measured that way, simply because it isn't useful to measure that way. I don't let myself do it. Life isn't a thrill-seek. I knew that innately, I think, and my upbringing confirmed it. Life is about finding something interesting to do with yourself, and getting wasted is obviously not that thing. I thought far too much of myself from the beginning to waste myself getting wasted. You should, too.
But the Poor Me is a Robot.
It doen't care about you.
All it wants is love.
And when it can't get it.
It dies..
The BAD SELFISH COMPETITIVE ENERGY VAMPIRE BLACK STAR STRATEGY.
THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN A GOOD STAR AND A BAD STAR IS JUST EGO AND NEGATIVE KARMIC MASS
ENERGY ENHANCEMENT CAN REMOVE THE SELFISH COMPETITIVE EGO FROM THE STAR
By asking questions or telling jokes. "Daddy, look, I got ten out of ten at school today!" There are many ways to be a star. But ask yourself why they are doing it? If all they want is attention. If they have no selfless inner purpose. Then this is just another selfish strategy, developed when they were a child, to gain your attention.
Further, in extremis the star becomes a jealous and vindictive tyrant. They try to destroy all competition. As Gengis Khan said,- "It is not enough that I succeed, everyone else must fail." These stars become surrounded by many poor me's who need help so that the Star can be seen to be "Generous" and people who say "Yes". These people will confirm you as a Star. They are no Competition, No Threat.
However if a Bad Star sees someone as competition, then they will try to destroy that person by saying bad things about them. Destroying their reputation and in extremis, killing them.
Stalin was said to be always asking if the people around him were geniuses. If he thought they were a genius, a threat to his ego and his power, then they would "disappear" and end up dead in a concentration camp, a Gulag in Siberia.
Stars always want to teach and never to learn. They are not good students, not respectful of the teacher or the teachings, always competing and thus never learning or just being.
Sages and Saints have been constantly saying, "You need to Evolve, Improve, Increase your Emotional IQ, Stability Internal Happiness. You Meditate!! START NOW!!
THE ADDICTION TO SEX - THE SEDUCTOR/SUCCUBUS/INCUBUS
Once the Star has been healed of all its negative energy on the Meditation Energy Enhancement Course, then it can become a Good Star!! A Good Star encourages all people to become stars. It does not see anyone as competition because it understands that for this world to evolve, it needs everyone to become a strong personality, evolved and creative.
DEVELOP INTO A GOOD STAR WITH ENERGY ENHANCEMENT
Every Man and Woman is a STAR!!
The Interrogator Strategy
This one is always asking questions to get your attention. It is the forerunner of the Violator Strategy because it is so invasive.
The Interrogator does not want the answer, all it wants is your attention and your energy.
The Violator Strategy
Further than the interrogator and the star, this person uses powerful hurtful means to get your attention and energy. Verbal abuse, Physical abuse. Rape. A Violator needs the acquiescence of a Poor Me in order to create the energy sucking polarity he craves.
A good violator will use this technique to break blockages and generally test out your emotional state
One of my favourite Strategy Jokes...
Masochist, "Beat me, Beat me!"
Sadist, "NO!!!!"
The Violator - When It Happened to Me
The day that the irony of it all hit me is a day that I shall never forget. I wanted to cry, but no tears came. An overwhelming urge to write it down is all that I had.
It started when I remembered a story that a dear and valued friend told me over a year ago. She, much to her surprise, found herself pregnant and making plans to change her life into that of a single parent. Laughing, she had commented how funny it was because she had said so much about how single mothers were being irresponsible, because once she had considered them to be "scum of the earth", and here she was now. It certainly opened up her eyes. She was now wiser and regretted what she had said.
What struck me was the realisation that exactly the same sort of thing had happened to me, although my issue was different. I was confronting domestic violence. I had believed that women who suffered through it, asked for it. I believed they held the power to control or avoid it, but chose not to. And now here I was a victim of it.
The only woman I know who had been abused in this way is my mother. I know about it because I lived through it and its aftermath. I could easily identify what it was that my mother said that caused my father to react so violently towards her. Being seven years old at the time it seemed to me that if she just didn't say those things, it wouldn't happen. Simple.
I can remember the last two times it happened to me very clearly. I am sure that it had happened at least once or twice before that, but they are now holes in my memory put there by terror, panic and disbelief.
The first incident I remember happened for me in slow motion. I saw the madness in his eyes as he leapt out of the bed at me. His face was red and his mouth slightly frothed. His hands were outstretched heading straight for my throat. They made contact with it in the hallway as I had backed up against the wall. Over and over he repeated "I want you dead", as the back of my head hit the door when he shook me. I didn't struggle or panic, I didn't care if he did kill me. I just wanted it over and done with one way or the other.
He was very sorry about it afterwards of course. He said that I made him do it, so I should recognise that and learn my lesson. He suffered no guilt, as he said, because he was not in the slightest bit responsible for the incident. Then he pointed out to me that he is one of the nicest most sincere men that I was likely to meet, and I was a bad person for making him act that way. I took this on because it was perfectly consistent with my childhood beliefs.
The second time we were arguing in the dining room. I was sick of him making emphatic statements then storming out of the room. So when he tried to leave again, I grabbed his jumper. He turned on me. His eyes went wild and he pounded full strength on my forearm to break my hold. Then he swung at me with his other fist hitting me in the chest. The next blow impacted so hard on my shoulder that I was knocked back six meters into the kitchen. Losing my balance, teetering backwards with him following me, he pushed me. I remember thinking to look out for my head as I was going down near the corner of the bench. I fell amongst the rubbish and recycling stuff very awkwardly and he kicked me in the shin. That was three weeks ago and my bruises are only just starting to fade.
He was very sorry about it afterwards of course. He said that I made him do it, so I should recognize that and learn my lesson. He continued to maintain a guilt free existence because I was responsible for the incident.
He said that he thought I was mad and should be locked up. Then he pointed out to me again that he is one of the nicest most sincere men that I was likely to meet, and I was an even worse person for making him act that way once more. I continued to take this on because it was still perfectly consistent with my own learned beliefs.
So I had struggled through this issue a lot over the last couple of weeks wondering, had I asked for it? I knew that physically I was powerless against him. Could I have stopped it? I have been very confused about it all and I am also aware that compared to many domestic violence situations, my story is nothing.
I am however making plans to leave this house and this environment. I want to be by myself for a while. I do know that it is time for me to ditch my childhood ideologies and admit that his actions were not excusable or justifiable. Meanwhile everybody else continues to think that he is one of the most caring men that they have ever met, especially his women friends.
The Don Juan, Seductor, Succubus/Incubus, Lilith or Vamp Strategy
We have all heard of the town bicycle who is ridden by everyone. Well, because of this need for Love and Attention. Because we are afraid of people leaving us so that we leave them first.
Because of the very strong psychic sexual connection and the energy flows it can create - it takes very strong energies to draw a soul down from heaven. This strategy is a wonderful method for both men and women to vampirise the energies of people they meet.
ALL SEXUAL TANTRA, ALL SEXUAL RITUAL, IS AN EXCUSE FOR ENERGY VAMPIRES TO SUCK THE SUCKERS!!
Pleaser Strategy
Because they want your love, they will put aside their wants and even their justifiable needs, and try to please you. They will have no personality of their own except that which wants to please. They will be happy or sad depending upon whether you have been pleased.
However, they will make you dependant upon them. they will engage your attention more and more. They become inescapable. They mutate into a Tyrant!
The Blamer Strategy
Its all your fault. There are only two of us here and it can't be me who is wrong. It must be you!!!
The Critic Strategy
Like the interrogator this intellectual strategy gets off on criticising everything to get your energy and attention. Yet the critic even criticises himself.
The Tyrant Strategy
All of the strategies in the end are tyrants who want, need and even demand your attention.
All they want is your attention. They will get your attention in many destructive and self destructive ways
The Self Destructor Strategy
This one is the Big Daddy of them all. The Controlling Archetype of all of the Strategies. All of them lead to self destruction because they are the major part of the Desire-filled, wanting, vampire ego.
Manic Depression.
The Poor Me and the Violator usually flip from one to the other and back again within one body. If you have one Strategy, then soon you will flip to the other side.
We see many Poor Me's. All of them are capable of becoming the violator in a trice.
THE TRI-STRATEGIES
The more I see my students, the more I see that the inner children sub-personalities are the blockages which most affect them, the blockages which stop them evolving.
We know that sub-personalities use the tri-strategies - The Poor Me, The Violator, The selfish competitive Star - rotating from one to the other as sub-personalities rotate in front of the mind.
Indeed the use of the tri-strategies is one of the symptoms of inner children subpersonality vampires who use the strategies to gain attention and energy.
They hold on to problems which would clear more easily if the sub-personalities were gone.
You can use the tri-strategies - seven stepping all the three strategies at once - to find and remove the sub-personality, to remove the condition - the particular game to suck energy from others like a succubus-seductor - the sub-personality is holding on to.
And of course the sub-personalities hate me and say bad things about me.
But it is not true!!
The sub-personalities are the plague!!
Marcus Tullius Cicero describes the process of infil-traition by inner children sub-personalities
“A nation can survive its fools, and even the ambitious. But it cannot survive treason from within. An enemy at the gates is less formidable, for he is known and carries his banner openly. But the traitor moves amongst those within the gate freely, his sly whispers rustling through all the alleys, heard in the very halls of government itself. For the traitor appears not a traitor; he speaks in accents familiar to his victims, and he wears their face and their arguments, he appeals to the baseness that lies deep in the hearts of all men. He rots the soul of a nation, he works secretly and unknown in the night to undermine the pillars of the city, he infects the body politic so that it can no longer resist. A murderer is less to fear. The traitor is the plague. — ”
― Marcus Tullius Cicero
The soul infused personality is the enlightenment cuckoo.
And by throwing the bird subs out of the nest by focusing the energy of Samadhi onto the personality.
We become ONE.
We become the One Soul Infused Personality
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